Thursday, October 25, 2012

Post Title Here

I've stared at this giant white space many times before not knowing what to write.

The "Post title" box at the top taunts me sometimes. It keeps asking me "Why even try when you know you don't have anything good to say?"

I spend most of the time feeling like I know more than I really do.  I spend even more time trying to believe the lie that I somehow have enough ability to control the things in my life well enough to not ruin it.

I'm lied to constantly... that's not abnormal.  Satan whispers in my ear words of destruction. He's been doing that for centuries now.  I'm not his first target nor will I be his last. That's not the problem.

The problem is me.  I not only listen to his lies, but I accept them. I embrace them and make them my own.  The truth of the matter is that I can do nothing on my own, but that doesn't make me worthless.

I am constantly trying to make people laugh... that's what I do.  I do it for a list of reasons so long that it would take a team of psychotherapists a solid week just to figure them all out.  I would hope that by the end of that week they would deduce the underlying cause of all of those reasons: Fear.

Fear of failure.  Fear of rejection. Fear that if I let you see who I really am, you may not like me. A fear that keeps me from letting go of the control I have over my life so I can give it all to Jesus.

White Space
Its a fear of the white space.

The white space in our lives is much like that of an empty wall... or a blank piece of paper... or a blog without the words.  We so desperately don't want people to see the most stripped down versions of our souls that we try to cover up the white space with picture perfect family photos or with empty words that have no meaning.

Once I find a way to let go of the white space... once I turn it over to Him... People can not only see the true "broken and then fixed again" version of me... They can see Christ through me.  He made this white space for a reason... and he paid a high premium for it too.

Isaiah 1:18
Says the Lord,
“Though your sins are as scarlet,
They will be as white as snow;
Though they are red like crimson,
They will be like wool.

Romans 5:8
But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

He washed us white... made us clean.  He wants us to be pure and broken before Him... because that's when we can truly be what He created us to be.

I can't change me overnight... but He can change me when I'm ready.  I want to be ready... I want to let Him write the words.

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